One of my favorite places in Atlanta is the amazing Shakespeare Tavern. Some months ago, during their run of As You Like It, they ran a Bad Poetry contest.
In the play, Orlando is completely smitten with Rosalind. She has been banished from the kingdom and he doesn't know how to find her, so he writes piles of poetry- some sweet and some downright awful - and goes around nailing it to defenseless trees.
So the Tavern had a contest, to write a poem. The criteria was that it had to be not more than 14 lines, specify that it was written to Rosalind, and be really painfully bad. The prizes were awesome, and I was determined to win the Worst Poet in Atlanta crown. I very seldom commit poetry but when I do I know it's bone-curdlingly awful, so I should be a shoe-in, right?
Somehow, none of my entries even made the weekly finals. Apparently it was just too good. Yeah, that's it. Here's my favorite sonnet.
Oh Rosalind, you're so tres chic
As for me, I'm kind of a geek
But I think you're awesome as Princess Leia
You've got the moves of Lara Croft, Tomb Raid-ah
Your heart is big just like Rose Tyler's
I'll be your Doctor just to see you smile. Er,
Doctor Who? We'd make the TARDIS rock
Or you be Uhura, and I'll be Spock
I'm no Kirk, don't want every chick
To you like Yoda on Luke's back I'll stick
Us together, we'd be spectacul-ah
Epic like Battlestar Galactica
My love is long lasting, unlike Firefly
For you always faithful like a Jedi
Come on, is that some epic bad poetry or what? Sigh. Maybe it's because I forced the rhymes.
ETA: An aspiring filk singer asked about the possibility of expanding this and putting it to music. Got any awful couplets for me?